08.00 BST - Morning. Welcome to PatroniseF1's Super Dooper Fixgate Newswire Spectacular (or PSDFNS for short). Over the course of the next several hours or so, we'll be doggedly posting updates of any snippets of news or rumours we manage to purloin from reputable news outlets about the World Motor Sport Council hearing in Paris, as the powers that be attempt to sort out F1's latest mess. We're doing this for a number of reasons, but chiefly this means we don't have to make seperate articles for every single bit of speculation that seeps onto the internet. Plus one of Patty's several readers might find it easier to sit down refreshing this than find out any information for themselves.
This is a slightly odd WMSC hearing compared to earlier classics like Diffusergate, Liegate and Spygate, given that Renault have effectively admitted that they're guilty before we've even got started. As a result of them refusing their right to contest the charge that they ordered Nelson Piquet Jr to crash and help Fernando Alonso to win the Singapore GP last year, today is more of an exercise in apportioning blame and assigning bizarre FIA punishments to the various parties, rather than an actual trial of sorts.
Still, this being F1, there are bound to be a few twists and turns along the way. So, sit back and prepare for all the fun of the F1 fair, and if you have any thoughts, then feel free to e-mail or Tweet us at the above addresses, and we'll make sure they get included in this prose. Which will be fun for everyone, I'm sure you'll agree.
09.15 BST - Some early thoughts from some somewhat knowledgeable F1 faces. BBC commentator Martin Brundle reckons that the FIA will go for a hit to the wallet rather than a race ban. "I foresee a sizeable fine for the FIA coffers and a points penalty that will pain the team into next year in regard to revenue and pit lane position," Brundo foresaw to The Times newspaper. After all, these post-hearing buffets don't pay for themselves.
Meanwhile, Red Bull boss Christian Horner has reminded the FIA that should they turf Renault out of the sport, they would be jeapordising his own team's F1 future, what with the French manufacturer currently supplying them with engines. "Renault have been a very strong engine supplier to Red Bull for the last three years. Hopefully a sensible solution can be found," Horner has mused, "It would be a great shame to lose Renault from F1 because of an unfortunate incident such as this one." That quote adds further credence to the rumours elsewhere that the caffeinated team are struggling to secure a Mercedes supply for 2010.
In other crazy soundbite news, read about Stirling Moss's view here and The People's Ari's thoughts here.
09.25 BST - The question as to whether Fernando Alonso had been called to the WMSC hearing has been solved, as Reuters man Alan Baldwin tweets to say "Fernando Alonso turned up for FIA hearing, looking relaxed in jeans. Piquet jr in suit. Bernard Rey for Renault." F1 news and fashion spotting at the same time. That's why he's a well-paid proper journalist and we're here eating soggy cornflakes in our pyjamas.
09.45 BST - Derek Warwick, who drove for Renault approximately 57 years ago, has taken the odd angle of citing Kimi Raikkonen as a reason for the FIA to just ruffle Renault's hair and let them off with a sternly-wagged finger. Talking to crash.net, Warwick spat that: “What we cannot have is a Formula 1 full of Kimi Raikkonens, because it would be the most boring sport in the world. Flavio – whether you love him or hate him – is a controversial figure, and he was on the front and back pages, which was good for Formula 1. Pat Symonds I know really well; he's got very high standards and very high morals, and this will be devastating for Pat.” Which all seems rather harsh on Kimi, to be frank. When was the last time Pat Symonds fell off a yacht?
The various representatives have now entered the cathedral of silly fines that is the WMSC base in Paris, and now we enter the traditional period of quiet time, with the lunchtime break now offering the best chance of some juicy rumours. Autosport also seem to be of the opinion that fines and points deductions are the most likely punishment, saying: "Although total exclusion from the world championship is a possibility, it is far more likely that the team will either be excluded from last year's points standings, plus perhaps face a major sanction of many millions of pounds."
As ever with these joyful WMSC events, we are unlikely to get an announcement on any verdict or punishment until tomorrow afternoon.
10.30 BST - What with the fact that Renault have already essentially admitted their guilt, you'd have rather assumed that we wouldn't need to go through the whole "wait until tomorrow" charade that we usually have. Well, maybe we won't have to, as Alan Baldwin again tweets that "Hearing that FIA council now deliberating. TV crews getting excited but could be hour or two yet." It would be really wonderful if this got sorted ASAP, to be perfectly honest.
Meanwhile, the official Renault F1 site is far more interested in plugging a recent sponsor jolly in Russia, which featured a three-seater F1 car. It looks hilarious.
10.40 BST - Here we go! The possibly-reliable F1_Updates service tweets "Renault outcome: FIA announcemnet[sic] due approx 1pm GMT." We could end up working a half day here! Hopefully that will start to get verified by other sources that don't just use that tweet as evidence in the next hour or so.
Meanwhile, Nelson Piquet Jr has found himself a friend from an unlikely source, with 1996 champion Damon Hill defending the Brazilian blabber to the media. The British Racing Drivers Club president took time out from moaning about losing the British GP to shout that: "If people feel that Piquet was put under undue pressure to do something in order to preserve his career – which is what seems to be being suggested – then he might be forgiven, being a young driver in Formula 1, although what he did was a grave mistake. I'm not forgiving or condoning that sort of behaviour or passing judgement, but if there was pressure put on him then I think people might take a slightly different view of Piquet as a driver."
10.50 BST - Things are simmering nicely. Owen Gibson from the Guardian tweets that "Alonso and Renault boss Bernard Rey to make a statement "shortly"". They're getting engaged?
More info from Martin Brundle's recent Times column. The grizzled journeyman reckons that should Renault leave the sport on the back of Fixgate, either through being pushed or deciding to jump, then Toyota will follow them. Not really sure what he's basing that on, but it was speculation enough to ensure that Toyota president John Howett came out of his bunker to reiterate his team's commitment to the sport. "We signed the Concorde Agreement, therefore Toyota is bound to formula one and we are planning completely normally for next season." he is quoted as saying.
11.05 BST - To add some colour to proceedings, here's a lovely photo of Fernando Alonso arriving at the WMSC building in Paris earlier. Sadly, his jeans are just out of shot. It's looking increasingly likely that we're in line for some big announcements in the next two hours. The WMSC panel apparently didn't have too many unanswered questions to put to Renault.
11.30 BST - Alan Donnelly, the FIA's controversial chief steward, has left the building, in the literal sense. He refused the chance to comment to the media. Boo, hiss. Donnelly is not part of the WMSC council though. The full list of people you've never heard of that will be making today's decision is here. Bonus points for recognising the name of anyone other than Max and Bernie.
Piquet Jr and Bernie have also toddled out of the building without issuing statements, apparently. Come on, someone say something!
11.50 BST - "Not even a quip from Bernie E as he left the building." Alan Baldwin tweets mournfully. It sounds like he's having a really rubbish day. Despite the lack of soundbites from the departing figures, this is still likely to get wrapped up in the next couple of hours with statements due from Renault and Alonso, and then from the FIA themselves. It's getting close to "Mash F5" time.
BREAKING NEWS - We have a confirmed, full and frank shot of Alonso's jeans. This is a massive, massive development. I've got a pair like that.
LESS IMPORTANT BREAKING NEWS - "FIA statement promised in next 15 mins" says Owen Gibson.
12.00 BST - The misery deepens for Piquet Jr. Hot on the heels that Damon Hill is supporting him comes the news that The Stig is annoyed with him. “If heads are going to roll, then I don't think Nelsinho should get away with this as well,” Ben Collins Perry McCarthy has shouted, “I think he should be banned for his participation in this. If one is told to do something, you've got the choice whether to say yes or no. I never needed to be told to crash – I was pretty capable of doing it on my own!" Lol.
12.15 BST - 15 minutes becomes half an hour...
12.20 BST - First breaking internet rumour says that Renault have been given a two year suspension. But that could mean a 2 year suspended sentence, or 2 years to pay off the fine, or a 2 year holiday in Madagascar, knowing "the internet".
12.30 BST - "La sanction serait 2 ans de suspension avec sursis : Renault continue la F1 !" is the only real rumour floating about at the moment. If that turns out to be true, then I think C. Malbranque wins the internet.
12.25 BST - Actually, there we go, the original leaker has clarified that the reported punishment is a two year suspended sentence from the sport.
12.32 BST - "Briatore out for life, Symonds 5 years out, Renault pays the bill but no sanction, Alonso INNOCENT", screams this bloke, as the rumours become slightly more coherent. So a two year suspended sentence for the team, a total ban for Crazy Flav, a five year ban for Symonds and some sort of "bill" for Renault to pay. It's reading like the world's most dystopian night out in Nando's at the moment.
12.35 BST - It's getting kinky wherever Alan Baldwin is. "Wedged in scrum behind metal barriers and the guys on either side have just lit cigarettes. Nightmare." he tweets from Max's basement somewhere in Paris.
12.40 BST - There are now hilarious rumours circulating that Ferrari and Felipe Massa may have the option of pressing criminal charges against the Renault team and personnel, given the rather tenuous claim made in some corners that the race-fixing accident and safety car period cost Massa the title, as it was during that period that Ferrari had their traffic light faff and Massa drove off with the fuel rig still attached. A selection of words that F1 doesn't comprehend: "sleeping", "lie", "let", "dogs".
12.55 BST - The longer those rumours float in the ether without any confirmation, the more likely they are to be outed as big porky-pies. That FIA statement was promised over an hour ago now.
13.05 BST - The FIA are such teases, such shameless flirts. They tell you to meet them at 1pm, and they coyly hang back and take their time, making you wait around like an absolute tool holding a wilting bouquet from the all-night garage and £3.99 bottle of pinot grigio.
CONFIRMATION! - It's not the truth until Jonny Noble says it is. And he says: "Two year suspended ban for Renault".
Briatore's punishment is amusingly being described as a ban for an "unlimited time", while Pat Symonds has a 5 year ban. That French guy from earlier wins the internet, then. No punishment for Alonso, who clearly wasn't involved. No words yet on the existence or size of any fine handed out to the team. If they've been able to palm the whole mess onto Briatore and just copped a pointless suspended ban, they've done very well indeed.
13.20 BST - Should clarify that along with the French guy winning the internet, The Elbow wins a special prize for being the first Patty writer to sling across the details to this live thingy via Twitter. Well done that man! Thanks to his updates, we can confirm that it looks like Flav will also have to discontinue all his actions as a driver manager as well as part of this ritual humiliation he is being subjected to.
13.25 BST - The initial fallout from that ruling seems to be a predictably mixed one. Some see the whole punishments as fair enough, given that the masterminds have been heavily punished and the team has been dealy with leniantly (these peope are correct), others are treating the whole suspended sentence as an "End of Days" scenario and reckon that the universe will suffer a heat death through entropy within the week as a direct result of this ruling (these people are mental).
13.40 BST - A tweet from FocusF1Photo, whose shameless efforts to get publicised to the two people reading this have been successful, says "The big news is that Flav will probably have to give up QPR too!". WHich is true, given that Crazy Flav now fails the English FA's "fit and proper" test, and will have to offload his sole remaining hobby (other than making the beast with supermodels) sharpish.
14.25 BST - A typically poorly-grammared summary of events is available to browse over here. We'll keep this newswire ticking over just in case anything else comes out from this. And if anyone chooses to send us an opinion, of course.
14.45 BST - Nelson Piquet Jr has released a Tired and Emotional(TM) statement. Read all about it here. Best read while playing the sound of a weeping violin solo in the background.
15.00 BST - A sensational piece of sweeping nastiness under the carpet from the FIA, who have taken the time to announce the 2010 F1 calender before Fixgate even has time to fully sink in. It sees Bahrain switch to open the season, Canada return to the calender as expected and Brazil revert to the season-ending race in place of the Abu Dhabi event. All a lot of fun. But I don't think there's much more to be said about Fixgate today, so let's bring this newswire to an end. Thanks for reading, we'll have some opinion pieces on the way in the next day or so I'm sure. Cheerio.
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