Patronise F1

Patronising F1 since 2007

Tuesday
Jul 22nd
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About Patronise F1

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Patronise F1 is a shambling F1-based website (aside from the odd misguided foray into football) with the aim of adding a slightly slanted, often incorrect, rarely spellchecked look at the goings-on in the sport they call motor. Patronise started life in 2007 as a section on Frikipedia before growing wings and a misguided sense of it's own self-worth and going solo at the start of 2008, originally under the confusing patronise.us domain, which led a lot of people to mistakenly believe it was an American operation. To clear up the confusion, Patronise paid for a facelift and a new home at the start of 2009, so here we are, Patronise F1. Never knowingly first with the news, features or comment on F1 that you want to read.

The Patronise Team

Current Writers

The Head
The self-proclaimed leader of Patty, though this is more because he knows the guy who hosts the site more than any actual reason, The Head spends his time writing barely-coherent blogs, hurried race reviews and minute-by-minute updates on all things F1 from his grotty London hovel. An overly proud, yet often embarrassed, Nico Rosberg fan, The Head maintains an aim to one day become the boss of Nico Rosberg's PR department. Hopefully leading to marriage. The Head has met Olivier Panis twice, and once stood in a urinal at Donington Park next to touring car driver Matt Neal.

The Foot
Patty's eyes from the other side of the world, The Foot spends his F1 weekends wrestling with internet streams and advert breaks in lieu of any decent Australian F1 coverage. When not screaming in frustration, either because his stream has gone down or because someone just drove into Mark Webber, The Foot lends his opinions to Patty's F1 blog and does his own fair share of MBM reporting, though always remains one Webber technical failure away from smashing his keyboard up in frustration and resigning his post.

The Elbow
Patty's first, but by no means last, Alonso fanboy, The Elbow has become a bit of a retiring figure since 2009 due to the shadow of real life forcing him to actually do some proper work. Nevertheless, he remains on call for MBM duties, recently somewhat unfortunately becoming the regular Friday practice reporter, has promised to have his blog contributions back up as soon as humanly possible, and remains Patty's expert eyes on the often-confusing GP2 Series.

The Spleen
Joining the Patty staff at the start of 2010, The Spleen has quickly become a firm fixture on the Patty staff, usually eschewing the usual lazy writing style of the site by producing his content in the form of hilarious video-based contributions. Despite being harangued off YouTube by Bernie's FOM minions within weeks of the start of the 2010 season, he has found a secret new home for his moving pictures, and continues to produce snarky race previews and occasional comic/video-based fun through his Speed Trap feature.

The Ear
Joining the Patronise F1 staff midway through 2010 as little more than a means of paying off a gambling debt he owed to The Head, The Ear soon found himself intoxicated by the unmitigated thrills of completing MBM reports on Friday practice and occasionally writing poorly-received blog pieces for the site. Despite having worked off his debt, The Ear has promised to remain semi-committed to Patty in the future.

The *Insert Body Part Here*
Patty is once again on the lookout for any new contributors for 2011. So if you fancy being tasked with writing hastily-rehashed news pieces, blog articles, Patty featurettes, or carving out a niche for textually describing F1 happenings through the medium of Patty's often-read minute-by-minute reports, all for the prize of no money and the ability to have your scrawlings read by literally tens of bored internet Googlers every week, then get in touch with us at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it and we can make your somewhat limited dreams come true.

Former/Guest Writers

The Hand
The nearest PatroniseF1 has to a proper journalist, The Hand joined Patty in late 2009 after The Head managed to convince him that Patty's petty cash jar might soon have enough in it to pay for a round and a bag of peanuts down the pub. The Hand has spent the first few months of his PatroniseF1 career casually stirring the ire of Piquet Jr fanboys and boosting Patty's hit count amongst onanistic internet users with the clever use of an article about F1 WAGs. Now a regular minute-by-minute writer as well, The Hand confirmed his place as a genuine Patty employee by managing to curse the fortunes of at least three drivers during Brazil qualifying, simply by opining that they might do quite well. The only negative is that he is also an Alonso fan, making The Head and The Foot suddenly feel very outnumbered.

The Knee
The Knee remains a mysterious and elusive character. Though this is almost entirely down to The Head never checking his e-mail account. The Knee joined Patty late in 2008, and contributes to Patty's blog. Maintaining an Elbow-esque passion for all things Alonso, The Knee also has an irrational, and yet somehow slightly rational dislike of Felipe Massa.

The Ankle

The Beard